Tony Snow: Let's go with live pigs

Posted by Mark Silva at 6:30 am CST

Tony Snow, the White House press secretary, faces a lot of questions.

But how about this one: "There are people in Russia who make their living catering to the whims of wealthy Russians. One such helping hand got a call on Dec. 26 from a tycoon who wanted what for his New Year’s party: A) to rent a wife and children so he wouldn’t have to spend New Year’s without a family again; B) 150 live pigs to distribute to this party guests; or C) a full-sized completely detailed chocolate Rolls-Royce.''

"Let's go with B,'' replies Snow. "The live pigs.''

That's only one of the press secretary's replies to Peter Sagal, host of the comical weekend quiz show, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, airing on National Public Radio today. If you can't wait to hear the show, the Swamp has the whole exchange with a senior administration official who goes by his real name on the radio today, right here, courtesy of NPR:

PETER SAGAL: And now the game where we ask difficult questions to people who may not be used to it for our own amusement. It’s called, not my job. Today though we are joined by somebody whose job it is to handle tough questions daily on live TV. Please welcome White House Press Secretary, Mr. Tony Snow. Tony, welcome to Wait, Wait. (Applause.)

TONY SNOW: Peter, thank you. Good to be here.

MR. SAGAL: Well, it’s great to have you. We’re very excited. We’re very excited to have you. I’ve got to ask, if I’m not mistaken, you’ve been doing the job of White House press secretary for almost a year. How are you –

MR. SNOW: It will be a year in May; that’s right.

MR. SAGAL: How’s it been? How are you doing? How are you holding up?

MR. SNOW: I love it. It’s fun.

MR. SAGAL: Really?

MR. SNOW: Yeah.

MR. SAGAL: Because, you know, we’re political junkies, much of our audience is. We watch the briefings; we read the transcripts. You get up and get hammered.

MR. SNOW: (Chuckles.) Not really. Maybe it looks like a hammering to you, but it’s a White House press briefing. They’re supposed to ask tough questions and I’m supposed to fire back.

MR. SAGAL: Really?

MR. SNOW: Yeah, it’s the deal. It’s in the contract.

MR. SAGAL: It doesn’t bother you – because sometimes we notice there is a certain, shall we say, it seems a little tense – you and Mr. David Gregory from NBC News can sometimes go at it; Helen Thomas, of course. Is it just professional? Does it ever get personal for you?

MR. SNOW: No, it’s not personal at all. Are you kidding me? You could not possibly survive if you let it get personal. So no, it’s fun.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Hey, Tony. You know, you do such a great job as the press secretary guy. Now, what do you think the odds are of your cracking and blurting out the wrong thing on this show?

(Laughter.)

MR. SNOW: Well, I’m trying to bring my A game, Paula.

MS. POUNDSTONE: That’d be kind of funny if nobody could really get anything out of you from the press corps asking you the tough questions, but then just on the Not My Job questions, you just broke down and said the wrong thing – (laughter) – spilled all the White House secrets.

MR. SNOW: Yeah, well, I’ll keep that under consideration. Thanks.

MR. SAGAL: So, I mean, it’s funny though because I want to go back to this personal thing. I believe you when you tell me you’re not – I mean, I believe it when you tell me that if it got personal, you wouldn’t be able to handle it. But I mean, is there a switch you turn on and turn off? I mean, what I think of is that great Bugs Bunny cartoon with the sheep dog and the wolf, and they punch in and they –

MR. SNOW: Where they keep peeling off the suit?

MR. SAGAL: No, no, I mean, they sort of show up for work; they punch in for work; they beat the heck out of each other; they punch out; they have lunch – (laughter.) I mean, sometimes it seems there does seem to be something of an adversarial relationship.

MR. SNOW: Well, of course it’s adversarial. But it’s not personal. That’s the difference. You’ve got to keep in mind, sometimes the reporters are going to go up there and they’re going to push and they’re going to cajole. I’ve done it before myself. I was in the media for 27 years before coming here. So it’s not new; and Helen and I debated literally every Friday for about 10 or 12 years. We used to appear before a group of students in Washington. So we’ve been around it a lot of times.

MR. SAGAL: Are you telling me that you and Helen are actually fast friends after you sort of accuse each other of basic treason, you then go off and have a beer together? (Laughter.)

MR. SNOW: Well, it’s a little past having a beer with Helen. But we do get along fine.

MR. SAGAL: I understand. I was wondering, because it is true – this may make you – well, if not unique, rare among White House press secretaries in that you didn’t rise up through the political system so much as in journalism. You were a journalist and an opinion writer. Now that you’re on that side of the podium, is there anything you wish you had known when you were back in the media – that you were like oh, if only I knew what it was like here on this side?

MR. SNOW: No. (Laughter.)

MR. SAGAL: No? Your knowledge was formerly perfect?

MR. SNOW: It was formerly perfect. Now, it’s sometimes imperfect. Look, I was a fulltime radio guy at one point, a fulltime TV guy, and a fulltime newspaper guy. And I worked in the first Bush White House as director of speechwriting, so I’d been in the White House. Therefore, when I got here, there weren’t really that many surprises. A little scared before I did my first briefing, but after that, literally, it has been fun. I mean, I like it. I like the adversarial part of it. I like going back and forth with reporters. And I like a job where you can walk into the Oval Office every day and talk to your boss.

MR. SAGAL: Yeah, well –

MS. POUNDSTONE: You walk into the Oval Office every day and talk to your boss?

MR. SNOW: Yes.

MR. SAGAL: Do you really?

MS. POUNDSTONE: Really?

MR. SNOW: Yeah, just stroll right in.

MR. SAGAL: I have met a couple of friends, intimates of President Bush. And they complain to me that the media just doesn’t communicate what the real man is like, that the image of him we have –

MR. SNOW: Like a lot of it doesn’t come off when he’s in public. I’m not sure it’s completely up to the media. They’ve got to report what they see.

MR. SAGAL: Right, so is there anything that you would like to let us know about President Bush that we, as consumers of media, would not normally know?

MR. SNOW: You mean those that would fall within or outside the Poundstone Challenge?

(Laughter.)

MR. SAGAL: Well, I want to remind you that nobody listens to this show at all, so -- (laughter) – you can treat this as a bar with your intimate friends where you’ve had a few drinks and your tongue has been loosened. Think of it that way.

CARL KASSEL: Getting back to the Helen Thomas matter, now you said with her it had gone a little past having a beer –

MS. POUNDSTONE: I heard that, too.

MR. KASSEL: Does that mean you’ve moved onto martinis? (Laughter.) Moved in together? I don’t know.

MR. SNOW: Well, there are just certain things that have to be confidential.

MR. SAGAL: Oh, I understand. Hey, wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Say no more.

MR. SNOW: Say no more.

MR. SAGAL: So again, about the president, what would you –

MR. SNOW: Oh, come on, Peter. You know if I try to do that, it’s going to sound so cheesy.

MR. KASSEL: On this show?

MR. SNOW: Whereas the fact is if I do dish, then I’m out of a job. But if I do sort of the standard stuff, it will sound cheesy. What the heck, I’ll be cheesy.

MR. SAGAL: Be cheesy.

MS. POUNDSTONE: No, wait a minute, wait a minute.

MR. SAGAL: I just threw you a softball; you’re not going to swing at it?

(Applause.)

MR. SNOW: Well, exactly, I’ll swing at it.

MR. SAGAL: Swing at the softball.

MR. SNOW: Which parts do you want to see? Number one, well, he’s a great guy to work with, wonderful sense of humor, deeply engaged, very smart. He’s also somebody who you don’t want to give out – I think he’s kind of aerobic in everything he does in the sense that –

MR. SAGAL: Did you say aerobic?

MR. SNOW: Aerobic. (Laughter.)

MR. SAGAL: Okay.

MR. SNOW: Now, let me -- permit me to explain.

MR. SAGAL: Please.

MR. SNOW: When it comes to – there are different ways of responding to the kind of responsibilities you have as a president. You could carry it heavily as a big burden and sort of shuffle around the Oval Office worrying about how tough it is, or you can be like this president who really does love the job, loves the responsibilities, attacks it with relish, and does it in a way that helps not only lift morale within the West Wing, but gets people working harder. He’s a terrific manager. Biggest surprise to me is that he’s a great manager. You’ll notice a grotesque minimum of backstabbing. Roxanne will vouch for the fact that leaks are in scarce supply. And that’s because people get along. Very high morale; great place to work; best place to work I’ve ever been in, and that’s not kissing up; it’s the truth.

MS. POUNDSTONE: Have you ever worked at the IHOP?

(Applause.)

MR. SNOW: Now, but I last when there; it was the Texas Roadhouse.

MS. POUNDSTONE: Yeah, I’m just wondering what exactly your work background is beyond – (laughter).

MR. SNOW: Yeah, you’re right. I was in the loving – I’ve worked in the loving arms of the press for 27 years.

MS. POUNDSTONE: Did you get interviewed to have the position?

MR. SNOW: Believe it or not, well, no. I was approached about taking the position.

MS. POUNDSTONE: What do you mean you were approached?

MR. SNOW: Well, I was approached.

MS. POUNDSTONE: Was it in that same parking garage that was in “All the President’s Men?” (Laughter.)

MR. SNOW: No, it wasn’t in the same parking garage, none of that. Got a call from Josh Bolton; he said, do you want to be press secretary? My first answer was no, I don’t. And he prevailed on me for a while. And at one point, I went over and talked to the president and that kind of sealed the deal.

MS. POUNDSTONE: And what did the president say? Did you meet with him in the Oval Office?

MR. SNOW: No, I met with him in the residence.

MS. POUNDSTONE: Oh? (Laughter.) And you went – so he was like in the living room of the residence?

MR. SNOW: Or – no, he was in a different room; but no, it was not the bedroom.

MS. POUNDSTONE: Well, what room was it?

(Laughter.)

MR. SNOW: There’s a place called the yellow oval. That’s where we met.

MS. POUNDSTONE: It’s called the what?

MR. SNOW: Yellow oval.

MR. SAGAL: He has a thing for oval rooms. Is that weird or what?

ROXANNE ROBERTS: No, it’s the way the White House is.

MS. POUNDSTONE: He didn’t build the White House.

MR. SAGAL: Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t know.

MS. POUNDSTONE: All right, so wait, you went into the yellow oval room. Was he sitting down?

(Laughter.)

MR. SNOW: He wasn’t lounging. I believe he greeted me standing.

MS. POUNDSTONE: He greeted you standing. And what was the first thing he said?

MR. SNOW: He said, I want you to take the job.

MR. SAGAL: Does the president ever have to introduce himself to people? I was wondering about this. You’re the president –

MR. SNOW: Well, but you know, what does happen is he’ll introduce himself anyway. It’s kind of a habit people have and you never want to be too uppity; you don’t know. So he does introduce himself. But no, he very seldom has to be introduced.

MS. POUNDSTONE: Well, I think that’s a bit much. When you go into the yellow oval room in his residence and he stands up and says, Hi, I’m George Bush. (Laughter.) I mean, I think by then, there’s that –

MR. SNOW: Yeah, it’s like, yeah, you look familiar.

MR. SAGAL: Yeah, here I am in the White House.

MS. ROBERTS: Wait, now I have a question. Actually, I have two questions. Now, this aerobic thing – (laughter) – I’m picturing him in a leotard and it’s upsetting to me.

(Laughter.)

MS. POUNDSTONE: Does he have leg warmers?

MS. ROBERTS: Does he make you go on any of his bike rides? You know, he gets really serious about that.

MR. SNOW: I have been on them, Roxanne. And I have not fared so well, but I have survived.

MS. ROBERTS: I mean, he’s really serious about it, isn’t he?

MR. SNOW: Yeah, he is. It’s actually a lot of fun, but it is something. I mean, I’ve never done this off-road mountain biking stuff until we went to Crawford this summer, and it was a little sporty. It was great, but it was, you know, well, you see your life flashing before you every once in a while. But to give you a sense, we were going through, and it’s on the ranch. There was a gully, I don’t know, 20 or 30 feet deep. And he says, okay, we’re going to go over this; everybody follow me. And so the president goes first, woo hoo. He’s going down. Everybody else is going down. And then finally at the end, I’m going aaaaah. (Laughter.) Somehow a tree found itself right in the middle of the path, so all everybody heard was me going, ooh. Hey, you okay back there? Yes, sir. Okay, come on, let’s go.

MS. POUNDSTONE: We’ve seen so many images of him clearing brush on that ranch, I can’t believe there’d be a tree in your path. (Laughter, applause.)

MR. SNOW: We just haven’t got to that one yet.

MS. POUNDSTONE: I knew we would catch you in some sort of distortion. (Laughter.)

MR. SAGAL: I couple of things before we get to the game. First of all, I have got to ask you about the now famous background briefing with Vice President Cheney in which the –

MR. SNOW: You mean, with a senior administration official. (Laughter.)

MR. SAGAL: Yes, excuse me for violating the rules – the senior administration official who talked about Vice President Cheney’s trip to Afghanistan in the first person throughout. (Laughter.) What is up with that? (Laughter.) I mean, somebody didn’t get the memo, either the vice president or the reporters. Can you explain what happened?

MR. SNOW: Well, what happened is the reporters agreed to ground rules with a senior administration official in which all of the remarks would be attributed to a senior administration official, and then subsequently they wanted to change it. And the office of the vice president said the senior administration official rule will still apply.

MR. SAGAL: Right.

MR. SNOW: I will let you parse that. I’m not going any further. (Laughter.)

MR. SAGAL: So to –

MS. POUNDSTONE: Because of the stick-in-the-gully thing?

MR. SNOW: Because of what?

MS. ROBERTS: Because of the stick-in-the-gully thing?

MR. SNOW: That is exactly right.

MR. SAGAL: Otherwise you have to go for another – (inaudible).

MR. SNOW: (Inaudible.)

MR. SAGAL: So it wasn’t – you mean, Dick Cheney couldn’t handle, like, saying things like, well, I was very successful, if I were Vice President Cheney – (laughter) – stick in that conditional thing. He couldn’t –

MR. SNOW: Well, I guess that I’m tap dancing. Let’s keep going. (Laughter.)

MR. SAGAL: All right. You see, that is why I am throwing you the softballs.

MS. POUNDSTONE: Wow.

MR. SAGAL: I wanted to ask you one last question, which is, do you know, if the president or the vice president ever listens to this show – (laughter) –you know, just to enjoy themselves – (laughter) – just to pass the time with some lighthearted mockery of them? (Laughter.)

MS. POUNDSTONE: Geez. (Laughter, applause.)

MR. SAGAL: Helen Thomas is going to come back for me. I’m stymieing him completely. (Laughter, applause.)

MR. SNOW: I was – you know, I was just thinking it over.

MR. SAGAL: I understand.

MR. SNOW: (Inaudible, cross talk.)

MR. SAGAL: Well, actually, slightly more seriously, I mean, it is true; we are part of what seems to be, like, an entire industry devote to making fund of the president, whoever the president happens to be. But fortunately for him, he has been president for two – six years now. Does the president or the vice president ever pay any attention to any of the various mockery that comes their way from us or –

MR. SNOW: Yeah, I’m sure they do. They are actually pretty good at making fun of themselves, especially the president, and he makes fun of us. I have a feeling that he would probably have a good time listening to some of it.

MS. POUNDSTONE: Hey, maybe we should get him on the show. (Laughter.)

MR. SNOW: Yeah, I’m sure we can whip that right up, Roxanne. (Laughter.) Hang on, let me get my pen. (Laughter.)

MR. SAGAL: He can fit us in between, you know, armed conflicts, if that is okay. Well, Tony Snow, we are delighted to have you with us. We have invited you to play a game called –

MR. KASSEL: “You Would Bathe Every Day in (Louishandon (ph)) If it Weren’t so Cold.” (Laughter.)

MR. SNOW: Back in the good old days, the Cold War, we worried about a missile gap with Russia. Well, these days, what we have got is a self-indulgent-millionaire gap. Their tycoons tend to be younger and more shameless than ours, at least according to a story this week in the Los Angeles Times. We are going to ask you three questions about lifestyles – we are going to ask you three questions about lifestyles of the bogatiya and the izvestniye, as they say in Moscow. Get two right, you’ll win our prize for one of our listeners, Carl’s (sp) voice in their home answering machine. Carl, who is Press Secretary Tony Snow playing for?

MR. KASSEL: Tony is playing for Anna Bovolosic (ph) of Dearborn, Michigan.

MR. SAGAL: First question. Are you ready to go?

MR. SNOW: Ready to go.

MR. SAGAL: Okay, here we go. Russian tycoons love to throw parties with more and more elaborate themes. One such party, thrown by a 35-year-old tycoon was a little odd given Russian history. Was its theme, A, Rasputin, in which the birthday boy dressed as the mad monk, and guests repeatedly tried to kill him with liquor – (laughter) – B, return to the days of the dacha, where everybody dressed as the host’s surf – (laughter) – or C, the Russian civil war, a joyful commemoration of the conflict that cost up to 9 million lives.

MR. SNOW: Hmm. Let’s go with Rasputin.

MR. SAGAL: You’re going with Rasputin. He was Rasputin. They kept trying to kill him; he kept getting up.

MR. SNOW: Right.

MR. SAGAL: No, it was actually the Russian civil war was the theme of the party. Many of the guests dressed as the white Russian soldiers and got busy with the Bolshevik babes. (Scattered laughter.)

All right, you have two more here.

MR. SNOW: All right.

MR. SAGAL: All right, next question. There are people in Russia who make their living catering to the whims of wealthy Russians. One such helping hand got a call in December 26th from a tycoon who wanted what for his New Year’s party: A, to rent a wife and children so he wouldn’t have to spend New Year’s without a family again – (laughter) – B, 150 live pigs to distribute to this party guests; or C, a full-sized completely detailed chocolate Rolls-Royce.

MR. SNOW: Let’s go with B.

MR. SAGAL: You are going to go with B, the live pigs.

MR. SNOW: The live pigs.

MR. SAGAL: Does that sound like an appealing thing to you?

MR. SNOW: No, it doesn’t; it sounds completely outrageous. That is why I picked it.

MR. SAGAL: And you were correct to do so. It was the live pigs. (Applause.) He wanted the live pigs to go with the 150 silver-plated pigs that he planned to give to the guests, and he got them both.

MR. KASSEL: Big pigs, little pigs. I can’t picture it.

MS. POUNDSTONE: Was that for good luck?

MR. SNOW: I have no idea.

MS. POUNDSTONE: It is the year of the pig, but that is China.

MR. SNOW: That is China, so I don’t know. He just decided that he wanted to give people pigs, so he gave them pigs.

MS. POUNDSTONE: When I gave pigs to people at my party – (laughter) – it was just a tchotchke. (Laughter.)

MR. SAGAL: Yeah, so you have one more question. If you get this one right. Isn’t it interesting that you’re finally in a situation where there is a right answer to the question. (Laughter.) Must be existentially refreshing for you. (Laughter.)

MR. SNOW: It is. Especially if the image is 150 pigs.

MR. SAGAL: I know, okay. (Laughter.)

MR. SNOW: As tchotchkes. What were the other gifts, Paula?

MS. POUNDSTONE: It was a limited gift bag.

MR. KASSEL: Pigs – (inaudible, laughter). Well, why don’t the media ask you multiple-choice questions; it would just speed things along.

MR. SNOW: Well, they do, but sometimes they ask not only multiple-choice, but multiple-topic questions.

MR. KASSEL: Do you hate that?

MR. SNOW: It creates – it creates many options. (Laughter.)

MR. KASSEL: Really?

MS. POUNDSTONE: Are you ever – are you told by the White House that you can’t answer things directly?

MR. SNOW: No, sometimes I just know it. (Laughter.)

MR. SAGAL: You know, that is why you’re keeping your job because you don’t need to be told what questions are not going to be answered. You are just not going to answer that. Have you come up with a way in which you’re just not going to answer the question?

MR. SNOW: Yeah, sometimes I’ll say, I just won’t answer it – (inaudible, cross talk).

MR. KASSEL: what do you mean by that? What is that supposed to mean?

MR. SNOW: Exactly.

MR. SAGAL: I didn’t know that was allowed. I thought that the whole rules of the game involved requisite hypocrisy and obfuscation. (Laughter.) You can’t just say, I’m not going to answer that, can you? I guess you can.

MR. SNOW: Well, I guess you can. Yeah, glasnost.

MS. POUNDSTONE: Gets a little redundant after a while, though. Do you have a – do you have, like, a, you know, sort of a more clever way of saying I’m not going to answer that?

MR. KASSEL: He’s not going to answer that. (Laughter.)

MR. SNOW: Trade secret.

MR. SAGAL: Well, see if you know how to answer this one.

MR. SNOW: Okay.

MR. SAGAL: Last question. Sergei Knyazev is a man known in Russia as the producer. He specializes in providing very interesting entertainments for people who have become board with the usual pleasures of being mega rich. For example, he arranges for multimillionaires to do what? A, hunt with paint guns actors dressed up as their business rivals – (laughter) – which I would recommend to the vice president. (Laughter, applause.) Now, I mean, he can hunt whatever he wants, just maybe the paint gun is a safety thing. All right, B – dress up – all right, back to this – so these are the things that the millionaires like to do: A, hunt with paint guns actors dressed up as their business rivals; B, that they can dress up as a homeless person to see if they can beg more successfully than their friends can – (laughter) – or, C, they want to attend their own funerals, complete with glowing eulogies and a look-alike wax cadaver.

MR. SNOW: I’ll go with ghastly C.

MR. SAGAL: You are going to go with C, attending their own funerals, just because everybody dreams of that.

MR. SNOW: Right.

MR. SAGAL: No, it was actually B, the dressing up as homeless people. Yeah. (Laughter.) He brings them to a train station; he dresses them appropriately as sort of, I guess, what we used to call bums, and they beg for coins all night, and whoever has gotten the most in the morning wins. They like to be competitive.

MR. SNOW: Wow. Boy, that or there is some award. It’s hard to figure out which party invite to take.

MR. SAGAL: I know. Carl, how did Tony Snow do in our quiz?

MR. KASSEL: Tony needed at least two correct answers to win for Anna Bovolosic. He has just one correct answer.

AUDIENCE: Aww.

MR. SNOW: Sorry, Anna.

MR. SAGAL: Does it –

MR. SNOW: Kind of a low note to end on.

MR. SAGAL: I know. I’m sorry about that.

MS. POUNDSTONE: Well, I have a pig for you, but since it’s over the phone, it’s not going to be so easy.

MR. SNOW: Oh, yeah, no.

MR. SAGAL: You know, before I let you go, because who knows if I’ll ever get a chance to talk to you again, it is –

MS. POUNDSTONE: You have the number, don’t you?

MR. SAGAL: I do. In fact – (laughter) – we’ve traced the address, so I’ll be seeing you later on. (Laughter.) I do want to ask this only because, well, I would wonder about it. This president, maybe more so than others, certainly more than a few decades ago, it used to be the case, has gotten a lot of criticism. Does that ever get him down or you down, the things that said about him and his administration?

MR. SNOW: I think – no, I don’t think it gets him down. Yeah, sometimes you get frustrated by it, but no, he is a pretty resilient guy, and he also understands it comes with the job. If you’re going to let criticism get you down as president simply because it’s criticism, you’ll never survive. On the other hand – look, he is smart enough to listen too because sometimes when people criticize you, they are right, so you act on that too.

MR. SAGAL: Yeah. So he is going to listen when you come in and tell him that he really needs to listen to this show. (Laughter.)

MR. SNOW: Yeah, yeah. (Chuckles.) Promise.

MR. KASSEL: What times lately have people been right they have criticized him? (Laughter, scattered laughter.)

MR. SNOW: Oh, when they say, you know, Mr. President, you just don’t praise yourself enough. (Laughter.) You just don’t get enough good press, sir.

MR. SAGAL: Tony Snow is an award-winning journalist and has been since last May the press secretary for President George Bush. Tony Snow, thank you so much for joining us.

MR. SNOW: Peter, thank you. Thanks everybody. (Applause.)

MS. POUNDSTONE: Bye, Tony.

(Applause.)