by James Oliphant and Jim Tankersley
Run for president? Now that Al Gore’s won the friggin’ Nobel Peace Prize, why would he want to lower his sights? Instead, here are the Top Ten things Al might want to do now that he’s been crowned The Smartest Vice President Ever.
10. Manage the New York Yankees to at least the American League Championship Series.
9. Write “An Inconvenient Truth II: Yes, Those Cargo Pants Make You Look Fat.”
8. Help Superman find new home for melted Fortress of Solitude
7. Wake up. Call Dan Quayle. Ask, "Sooooo, What've you been up to lately?" Repeat.
6. Call everything Nobelicious
5. Finally tackle that pile of old New Yorkers
4. Host summit for 50 Cent and Kanye West at Tennessee home.
3. Use that 20 percent-off coupon for World Market that comes with the peace prize.
2. Start stoking up the Global Cooling hysteria.
1. Now go for a Tony!
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Comments
Here's the Top Ten list from Uncle Dave's Late Show last night.
Top Ten Signs There's A Ghost In The White House :
10- White House staffers have sensed a cold presence that's not Condoleeza
9- Rattling chains and agonized screams make the place sound like Gitmo
8- Someone's been reading the intelligence memos
7- Mysterious force keeps pulling Secretary of the Interior Dirk Kempthorne's pants down
6- Bush looks scared even when he's not looking at poll numbers
5- Halliburton has offered a $3 billion contract to the Ghost Whisperer
4- Medical documentation proves Cheney's been dead since '96
3- Actually, with Bush on vacation every two weeks, it's like having a ghost in the White House -- am I right, America?
2- Laura saw Saddam Hussein wearing underpants and eating Doritos
1- Poltergeists keep turning up hidden Al Gore ballots
Posted by: John E | October 12, 2007 3:40 PM
Dave 1, Oliphant 0.
Keep the comedy with the ones who actually know how to write it.
But then again, the joke has been on us the last 6 1/2 years.
Posted by: BobinATL | October 12, 2007 3:47 PM
Al, if you need help on number 2 - Global Cooling, go ask you esteemed Dr. Hansen - it was his theory about 35 years ago.
Posted by: Terry | October 12, 2007 3:51 PM
My personal favorite is number 6...it's nobelicious!
Posted by: lochnessmonster | October 12, 2007 5:03 PM
Al Bore, the "smartest vice president ever"??? He's about the dingiest VP ever. He also was corrupt, "no controlling legal authority," into his misadventures of illegal campaign fundraising. And he lies, lies, lies, lies about "global warming."
Posted by: John D | October 12, 2007 5:36 PM
Well well, another top Democrat receives a prestigious award from a renowned international organization.
Looks like the Swamp Droogs (John D, Paulo, Bruce) have some 'spaining to do!
Perhaps we can devise some ersatz organizations to give awards for right wing accomplishments.
Here we go;
Top Ten Right Wing Conservative Fundy Republican Awards!
10. The Ann Cooter Goebbels X-mas Speech Award.
9. The 'Bruce' Repetitive Posting Medal
8. The Unnecessary War and Collateral Dammage Award.
7. The Dive Duck and Cover Jack Abramoff Responsibility Trophy.
6. The Larry Craig/Sen Macaca Monumental Hypocrisy Medal
5. The John D Spin/ Sputter / Repeat Award.
4. The Alberto Gonsales Torture Without leaving a Mark Medal.
3. The Aptly Named Movement Conservative Moral Relativism Award.
2. The 'Duke Cunningham' Brilliant Bribery Medal.
1. The George W Bush Literally Anyone On The Planet Can Rule A Country Plaque.
Posted by: C.Morris | October 12, 2007 6:23 PM
Do you think he can go back and pass divinity school?
Posted by: Terry | October 13, 2007 5:51 AM
Terry is right if he's now so damned smart why doesn't Algore get a Divinity degree and the law degree he dropped out of school before graduation.His roomate in college at Vanderbilt Dave Warnake says he drank beer and smoked pot and that's why he flunked out of school. Come to think of it maybe he was on drugs and alchohol when he wrote his global warming documentary that would account for the 9 tenets the UK Judge wants explained they are scientific facts and they are partisan. Hardly a perfect documentary. Jerry White, Springfield, IL
Posted by: Jerry White | October 13, 2007 2:30 PM
Al Bore, the "smartest vice president ever"??? He's about the dingiest VP ever. He also was corrupt, "no controlling legal authority," into his misadventures of illegal campaign fundraising. And he lies, lies, lies, lies about "global warming."
Posted by: John D | October 12, 2007 5:36 PM
And the world is flat, right John Denial.
Posted by: Anonymous | October 14, 2007 4:41 AM
Al Bore, the "smartest vice president ever"??? He's about the dingiest VP ever. He also was corrupt, "no controlling legal authority," into his misadventures of illegal campaign fundraising. And he lies, lies, lies, lies about "global warming."
Posted by: John D | October 12, 2007 5:36 PM
One word John, PROZAC!
Two words take some!!!
Prozac.
Trademark for a white, crystalline psychoactive drug, C17H18F3NO[HCl, used to treat depression, eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive neurosis, etc.
Posted by: An Inconvenient Truth | October 14, 2007 11:11 AM
I assume this was intended to be funny.
I suppose it would be in a high school fraternity house organ.
"Pathetic" is too weak a word.
Posted by: John Chuckman, Toronto, Canada | October 15, 2007 9:14 AM