Fun with Facebook: Campaign Edition

By James Oliphant

As most of the free world now knows, Facebook is a social networking site that allows people all over the world to connect through shared interests.

It’s also become a must-have for presidential campaigns. And in turn, the entries are must-reading for anyone truly interested in the arcane about the candidates.

For instance:

Fred Thompson (17,537 friends) lists among his favorite movies “The Hunt for Red October,” “Die Hard 2” and “In the Line of Fire.” Why? Because he was in all of those movies! No “Citizen Kane” or “Bicycle Thief” for him. (Favorite TV show: Do you even have to guess?)

John Edwards (25,235 friends) lists as “interests”: fighting poverty and stopping the genocide in Darfur. Down-er! (By contrast, Rudy Guiliani lists “the Yankees” and “baseball” as two separate interests.)

Not to be outdone Mitt Romney (22,158 friends) lists among his interests: “Fixing our failing schools so we can better compete with emerging Asia and making health care more affordable through free market reforms.” Whew. You couldn’t just say baseball?

He also has a diverse reading list, including such doom-and-gloom tomes like “Future Jihad,” “The West’s Last Chance” and the disturbing-sounding “Four Obsessions of the Extraordinary Executive.”

Giuliani (12, 859 friends)’s favorite movie is “The Godfather.” (That's him in the wedding scene, there on the left.) And no wonder the anti-immigration camp is down on John McCain (14,566 friends). His favorite movie is “Viva Zapata!”

Does it surprise you that that internet legend Ron Paul (53,104) has more than four times the friends Rudy does? (Well, Rudy has gotten in some trouble about his friends). He is also the only candidate to actually list his positions as part of the site’s Debate Group application. (“No” on waterboarding. “No” on changing the electoral college system. Pretty much “no” on everything.) Paul has no interests, but he does say that he has delivered more than 4,000 babies.

On the other end of the spectrum is Bill Richardson (7,461 friends). His favorite TV show is, uh, “Sportscenter.” Favorite movie: the appropriately titled “Field of Dreams.”

Then there’s Chris Dodd with just 2,366 friends. That might be because he dares to brand himself a “liberal” in his profile. Who are you, Dennis Kucinich? Obviously not. If you were, you would have a lot more friends. (17,785). And in fact, Kucinich won’t even cop to being a liberal! He lists his political views as “other.”

Here are Kucinich’s interests, listed verbatim: Walking, reading, listening, gardening, playing with my dogs, Elizabeth, politics, people, policies of healthcare for all, Elizabeth, peace, veganism, freedom. The Botticellian Elizabeth is listed twice, but unfortunately for her, after “playing with my dogs.”

He also goes for the too-cool-for-you vote by including quotes from Charles Mingus and Walt Whitman and Einstein. (It’s possible Kucinich has had all of these people over for dinner.)

Duncan Hunter (1,301 hardy souls) doesn’t even have picture of himself on his site, just a picture of an American flag. Maybe not a bad strategy.

You might know this already about Joe Biden (8,734 friends). He’s big on quoting others (especially Irish poets), so here’s the whole thing from Seamus Heaney. (Note: this isn’t necessarily about his campaign.)

History says, Don't hope on this side of the grave. But then, once in a lifetime the longed for tidal wave of justice can rise up, and hope and history rhyme.

So hope for a great sea-change
on the far side of revenge.
Believe that a further shore
is reachable from here.
Believe in miracles
and cures and healing wells."
- Seamus Heaney's "The Cure at Troy"

Hillary Clinton's (54,245 friends) profile sounds, well, a little self-promotional: “I was raised in a middle-class family in the middle of America. From that classic suburban childhood in Park Ridge, Illinois, I went on to become one of America's foremost advocates for children and families; an attorney twice voted one of the most influential in America; a First Lady of Arkansas who helped transform the schools; a bestselling author . . . (it goes on awhile)

But Hillary’s “friends” aren’t like everyone else’s:

Hillary, you are a disgrace to America and what we stand for. you have no morals and don't even know what you stand for. One day people are going to realize that social governments don't work, and i hope you don't have the chance to turn us into one

And then there’s:

Even though I support you, I think that you are very fake and are not sincere and caring about the PEOPLE of America and people see that in you! When we see you on T.V you cross us as someone who is stuck up and is just trying to win this election.

Stuck up? Well, I don’t know, did you read that profile?

She also has a video testimonial from Maya Angelou on her site. Take that, John Edwards!

But the absolute King of Facebook is Barack Obama, who laps the field at 168, 513 friends. He even has a section of photos called “Classics” – as in a line of designer clothes (“Barack Obama’s Classics”). Sans tie, naturally. As for interests, he lists basketball and “loafing with my kids.” Take that, John Edwards! He also lists “Sportscenter” as his favorite TV show. Don’t you guys get HBO?

Obama is also the only candidate who lists the Fugees as a favorite performer. (Fred Thompson lists himself, playing the banjo. We kid.)

Speaking of music, only one man has the courage to bring his starts-and-stripes bass guitar to Facebook, and that’s Mr. Momentum, Mike Huckabee (18, 608 friends). Here it is, in all its Freebirdian glory:

And perhaps this quote from a Huckabee fan is all anyone ever needs to say about the Internet:

“I think you need to post a picture of you and Chuck Norris to make this page complete.”