by Don Frederick
Columnist George Will channeled his inner William Faulkner in reflecting on the dire straits Hillary Clinton faces in her pursuit of the Democratic presidential nomination.
Pundits galore wrote words aplenty today on the same topic, but no others did so in a sentence (yes, a la Faulkner, a single twisting sentence) as audicious as the one produced by the erudite Will. We commend it to your attention, forthwith:
"After Tuesday's split decisions in Indiana and North Carolina, Clinton, the Yankee Clipperette, can, and hence eventually will, creatively argue that she is really ahead of Barack Obama, or at any rate she is sort of tied, mathematically or morally or something, in popular votes, or delegates, or some combination of the two, as determined by Fermat's Last Theorem,** or something, in states whose names begin with vowels, or maybe consonants, or perhaps some mixture of the two as determined by listening to a recording of the Beach Boys' "Help Me, Rhonda" played backward, or whatever other formula is most helpful to her, and counting the votes she received in Michigan, where hers was the only contending name on the ballot (her chief rivals, quaintly obeying their party's rules, boycotted the state, which had violated the party's rules for scheduling primaries), and counting the votes she received in Florida, which, like Michigan, was a scofflaw and where no one campaigned, and dividing Obama's delegate advantage in caucus states by pi multiplied by the square root of Yankee Stadium's Zip code.''
(** A theorem stating that the equation an + bn = cn has no solution if a, b, and c are positive integers and if n is an integer greater than 2.)
The rest of the piece can be read here.
Don Frederick writes for Top of the Ticket, the L.A. Times blog. Photo of George Will by ABC,
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Comments
Will says, "Obama's rhetorical cotton candy lacks Reagan's ideological nourishment, but he is Reaganesque in two important senses: People like listening to him, and his manner lulls his adversaries into underestimating his sheer toughness..." (italics mine)
Will is making an important point that many people here will miss.
We may buy Reagan's rhetoric, he may have been all about the big ideas and blissfully ignorant of details, but there was something behind it all... Conservatism; free marketeering; lower taxes; get government out of our face's. Buy it or not, there it is.
What does Obama have? "Hope". Ummm... well, OK. Reaganism you can think about, talk about, debate, believe or disbelieve, praise or revile. But Obamism?
Meat, potatoes and gravy vs cotton candy.
Posted by: johnnio | May 8, 2008 2:24 PM
So nice of George Will to chime in on the Democratic presidential nomination contest, especially since he's been such a stalwart supporter of progressive candidates in the past.
Posted by: MImi Schaeffer | May 8, 2008 2:48 PM
I think Will's "Pi over Yankee zip code" is very cute and clever. :) But he's right about Obama. as another famous Democratic loser once said: "Where's the beef ?"
Like it or not, the U.S. is a conservative country. The only way the past Democratic presidents (the first, one of the WORST President's in history AND certainly THE worst Former President in history, the second, well let's just say he "did NOT have sex with that woman, Miss Lewinsky !" and was then impeached) got elected was by running to the middle away from their loony-left activists.
Obama is a liberal. He's too far left of mainstream America. My prediction in the Electoral College: McCain, 281; Obama, 257
Posted by: Daniel P. From Long Island, N.Y. | May 8, 2008 3:51 PM
Per Daniel P:
Like it or not, the U.S. is a conservative country.
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Like it or not, Daniel P., McCain is not a conservative. He's pandering to the conservatives -- who are uniformly too stupid to know that -- but he's really kind of moderate. Your post is only further evidence of your utter incomprehension, and thus explains why you are, indeed, a conservative.
Posted by: a blinkin | May 8, 2008 4:57 PM
If we were a conservative country we'd still be a colony or at best have our own royalty by now.
Posted by: Cheryl | May 8, 2008 5:01 PM
I burst out laughing when I read this, very funny, very clever, thanks for reprinting it here for our enjoyment. 'nuf said.
Posted by: tony | May 8, 2008 5:11 PM
This is the same pundit that said, candidate George Bush would make a great President!! Mr Will sure knows his politics!! He isn't bad for a Republican mouthpiece, but I sure hope he doesn't say that Senator McCain will make a great President. I sure don't want him to be putting his other foot in his mouth!!!
SUPPORT OUR TROOPS, BRING THEM HOME, ALIVE. NOW.
Posted by: Don Fitzgerald, Chicago | May 8, 2008 6:02 PM
Alternate Caption:
'Oh goody! Bill Buckley is dead! I get to be the new Bill Buckley! (Am I smart enough? Do I know enough words?'
Posted by: C.Morris | May 8, 2008 6:46 PM
blinkin, I take great offense at your post. How DARE you pretend to know me, or my political leanings. Nowhere in my post do I say I support McCain. I am NOT a conservative and I do NOT support nor will I vote for McCain. I am a Libertarian, have voted Libtertarian in the past 4 presidential elections and will vote Libertarian again this year. Read a little more carefully next time.
PEACE ! :)
Posted by: Daniel P. From Long Island, N.Y. | May 8, 2008 8:10 PM
**The author's definition of fermats last theorem is incorrect.
Posted by: jukeboy joe | May 8, 2008 8:49 PM
Well, McCain is a liberal, according to UpCHuckabee, Willard, Dobson, Bush, Robertson, Rush, Vannity, Cooter, and all the other conservative spokesmen.
Posted by: C.Morris | May 8, 2008 8:50 PM
I'll bet you this article had John E's head spinning.
Posted by: Terry | May 8, 2008 9:49 PM
Jukeboy Joe @ 8:49 p.m.
You are absolutely correct. The equation: an + bn = cn does have a solution. Actually, an infinite number of solutions. It is no different than a + b = c, after factoring the n coefficient. No unique solution, but an infinite number of solutions.
Fermat's Last Theorem should be an exponential relationship: a**n + b**n = c**n or in Excel form: a^n + b^n = c^n
For the conditions stated, an integer solution is most problematic.
Stratocaster Guitars, Pretty Latinas, prescient sage George Will, and Mathematical Relationships just kind of naturally get me a little bit excited. Roll with me on this, Swamp Folk.
Posted by: Scott - Houston, Tx | May 8, 2008 11:36 PM
And me again. I know how much the Residents of The Swamp are seekers of truth and knowledge, and so I should have added that the whole concept of Fermat's Theorem is that you can find whole integers that can be squared, and added together to produce a sum that is also the square of a whole integer, i.e. 3 squared + 4 squared = 5 squared,
5 squared + 12 squared = 13 squared, 8,15, and 17, a few other number sets.
BEYOND squaring, i.e. n=2, NO such cubic (n=3), quadratic (n=4), or higher power exponentials (n>2) will work to produce another number sum with a whole number nth root. It would be like finding a democrat that believes in lower taxes or supply side economics with respect to energy, or probably anything. Does Not Exist. And that is the whole point of Fermat's Last Theorem, certain possibilities do not exist. I love this oppressive country.
Your Indulgent Math Friend in Tx,
Posted by: Scott - Houston, Tx | May 9, 2008 1:54 AM