by Andrew Zajac
All over New York, investment bankers are preparing to open tins of cat food for supper tonight and what does some jokester do but make light of their plight.
Some people have no shame:
URGEN MESSAGE FROM NIGERIA, ER, AMERICA
Dear American:
I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.
I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.
I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.
This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.
Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.
Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson
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Comments
Classic!!!!!
Posted by: JT | September 24, 2008 6:12 PM
i saw where obama told a chicago paper he did not know a thing about buying a house ,with the Auchi/Rezco deal he made, Lehman Bros. now owes Auchi ,an Iraq billionaire, $250 million to his bank in Europe ,Europe has charged Auchi with fraud?
will Obama PARDON Rezko if he becomes president?
Posted by: tommy in iowa | September 24, 2008 6:18 PM
To anyone who has received e mails from the Lads in Lagos, as they are affectionately known, this is priceless!
"Starve the beast" is the order of the day, it would appear.
Congress does need to find ways of making credit available to ordinary Americans.
Blank checks for former CEOs of Goldman Sachs who have $700 million in stock to protect, doesn't seem to be the most effective way.
Maybe Barack and McCain should debate the various ways to make credit available to ordinary Americans Friday.........
Sorry, forgot. Never mind, as Roseanna Danadanadana might say.
Posted by: ornery | September 24, 2008 6:20 PM
hilarious! also insightful.
Posted by: trace | September 24, 2008 6:46 PM
I will send cashier cheque for $900 Billion, all I ask is that you cash cheque and send me back $100 Billion.
Posted by: tonto | September 24, 2008 6:49 PM
Haha, that's funny. Very good.
Posted by: Dave | September 24, 2008 7:10 PM
Dear steamed Minister Paulson,
My email to you with the needed informations bounced. In view of time urgency, please provide corrected address before things fall apart. Be aware that another Senator will soon appear on white horse to help even though he doesn't understand how large amounts of money are made. Trust him. You can give him emails informations, too.
Blindly obedient taxpayer Martens
Posted by: John Martens | September 24, 2008 7:10 PM
this letter is from the Obama camp
no doubt
Posted by: Al | September 24, 2008 7:30 PM
Can we go to Nigeria and lock these fools up!!!!
Posted by: Maximillion | September 24, 2008 7:42 PM
Investment bankers all need to work and survive on Wal-Mart or Home Despot wages for 5 years before being allowed back into their ivory towers of power. Perhaps, also, they should be required to turn in their BMWs and drive '84 Yugos, just so they understand the cache' of the lower classes.
Posted by: C. Morris | September 24, 2008 7:50 PM
It's hard to believe, but with the country in the greatest political and economic crisis since the early 1930's, the Swamp can't seem to post comments in a consistent, complete manner.
It would seem they would delight in getting large numbers of submissions, but it's slow, sparse, and I can attest they seem to ignore or delete half of the ones they receive.
Now I can see why they would disallow postings with hard cussin' or threats, but that is not the case.
Anyone else?
Posted by: C. Morris | September 24, 2008 3:16 PM
Posted by: C. Morris | September 24, 2008 7:58 PM
That's hilarious!
These bankers have learned nothing from the subprime mortgage fiasco and don't deserve to be bailed out. In recent months I have twice received pre-approved credit offers addressed to my first wife, who has been dead twelve years! Now, if their credit checking methods are not good enough to prevent them from preapproving credit for someone long dead, those bankers deserve to sink to the bottom and drown in their debt. There is no way they should come whining to the taxpayers for help.
Posted by: Charlie Gies | September 24, 2008 8:40 PM
CM
We agree! Let them learn about the 'fundamentals' of American capitalism.
Posted by: TheLeninSisters | September 24, 2008 9:20 PM
I've never laughed out loud at anything on this site. Until now. Awesome.
Posted by: Joe | September 25, 2008 10:31 AM