by Mark Silva, and updated with video and script
It's Saturday Night in New York and Tina Fey is making room for Sarah Palin: The show opens with a simulated C-Span- broadcast press conference, the first official press conference with Sarah Palin, it seems.
Gov. Sarah Palin (Fey).
Fey, really happy to be in front of "the liberal elite media,'' says, "The American people are angry, and John McCain is angry, too... that Barack Obama, if he's angry, I can't tell...(He speaks so well, like an angel whispering in your ear, she says.) "He makes John McCain sound like a garbage truck emptying trash at a landfill.''
As she shifts into some "fancy pageant walking,'' Saturday Night Live producer Lorne Michaels, off-stage, is pictured with the real Sarah Palin, and Mark Wahlberg, talk about cameos.
"He didn't like the impression we did of him on the show,'' Michaels says of Wahlberg. "Tell me about it,'' Palin says.
On walks Alec Baldwin: "What do they call that woman?
"Caribou Barbie,'' Palin says.
"Alec, this is Gov. Palin,'' Michaels says.
Baldwin to Palin: "Forgive me, but I feel I must say this -- you are way hotter in person... ''
Palin: "Why thank you."
"I mean, seriously,'' Baldwin adds of Fey. "I can't believe they let her play you."
Then Baldwin arrives on Fey's set, and replaces her with the Palin. Same red suit, same swept back hair, same fashion eyeglasses.
"I'm not going to take any of your questions,'' the governor of Alaska and Republican nominee for vice president tells the SNL presser. "But I do want to take this opportunity to say, 'Live from New York, it's Saturday Night.''
And so it goes, a little more than two weeks from Election Day - on the late-night show that got a 50-percent ratings boost with its series of Palinpersonations this fall, opening with the Palin whose own ticket apparently stands several points behind in the tracking polls and electoral college count. But, hey, it's Saturday Night.
When, and where, else, could the comedienne Amy Poehler get away with another skit featuring the real Palin in which Poehler raps the lines: "All the mavericks in the house, put your hands up. All the plumbers in the house, pull your pants up.''
Here, courtesy of SNL, are the scripts:
JASON SUDEIKIS - "Good evening, I'm Tim Lydecker Sarah Palin's spokesman and we're very excited to be holding the Governor's first official press conference. Now tonight, nothing is off-limits while at the same time, I urge you guys to 'be cool.' Seriously guys just be cool. And one last thing: no recording devices and don't write anything down."
(Gathered "reporters" react)
SUDEIKIS - "Worth a shot. Can't blame me for trying. Without further ado, I present Governor Sarah Palin."
(TINA FEY enters as GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN)
FEY AS GOV. PALIN - "First off, I just want to say how excited I am to be in front of both the liberal elite media as well as the liberal regular media. I am lookin' forward to a portion of your questions, so let's get started. Yes, you?"
FRED ARMISEN (as reporter):
"What were your thoughts on Senator McCain's debate performance Wednesday?"
FEY AS GOV. PALIN --
You know, I just thought he was great. Because the American people are angry. And John McCain is angry too. And you can tell he's angry by the way he sighs and
grits his teeth and he's always goin' like (MAKES FACE AND GROWLING NOISE). And that Barack Obama? Well if he's angry, I certainly can't tell. His voice is smooth and when he's talkin' it's like an angel whispering in your ear. He makes John McCain sound like a garbage truck unloading trash at a landfill. So to answer your question, yes, I think John McCain did great. You guy?
WILL FORTE (as reporter) - "At a rally in North Carolina this week you said that you like to visit the quote pro-America parts of the country. Are there parts of the country that you consider un-American?
FEY AS GOV. PALIN - Y'know , that was just my lame attempt at a joke. But um, yes - New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Delaware and California (SHE GIVES A THUMBS DOWN). But then also too you have states like Ohio and Pennsylvania and Florida which could be real real anti-American or real real pro-American. It's up to them. (SHE winks) And now I'd like to entertain everybody with some fancy pageant walkin.'
(CUT TO: "SNL" Executive Producer LORNE MICHAELS and the real GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN standing next to a monitor watching the scene)
MICHAELS - "I really wish that that had been you."
GOV. PALIN - "Well, Lorne, you know, I just didn't think it was a realistic depiction of how one of my press conferences woulda gone."
MICHAELS - "Yes, but it's obviously it's a heightened reality."
GOV. PALIN - "Why couldn't we do the '30 Rock' sketch I wrote?"
MICHAELS - "Honestly, not enough people know that show."
(MARK WAHLBERG ENTERS)
WAHLBERG - "Hey, Lorne?"
MICHAELS - "Mark!"
WAHLBERG -I'm looking for Andy Samberg. Where is he?"
MICHAELS - "Mark, that was all in good fun."
WAHLBERG -- "Are you gonna make me bust your head open too? Because I will. Where is he?"
MICHAELS - "Third dressing room on the left."
MW - Thank you
(WAHLBERG storms off)
MICHAELS -- He didn't like the impression we did of him on the show.
GOV. PALIN - "Tell me about it."
(ALEC BALDWIN enters)
BALDWIN - "Hey Lorne. Hey, Tina. Lorne, I need to talk to you. You can't let Tina go out there with that woman. She goes against everything we stand for. I mean, good Lord, Lorne, they call her...what's that name they call her? Cari ... Cari -- what do they call her again, Tina?"
GOV. PALIN - "That'd be Caribou Barbie."
BALDWIN - "Caribou Barbie. Thank you, Tina. I mean this is the most important election in our nation's history. And you want her, our Tina, to go out there and stand there with that horrible woman. What do you have to say for yourself?"
MICHAELS - "Alec, this is Governor Palin."
GOV. PALIN - "Hi there."
BALDWIN - "I see. Forgive me, but I feel I must say this -- you are way hotter in person."
GOV. PALIN - "Why thank you."
BALDWIN - "I mean, seriously. I can't believe they let her play you."
GOV. PALIN - "Thank you, and I must say that your brother Stephen is my favorite Baldwin brother."
BALDWIN - "You are a delight. Now come, let me take you for a tour of the studio. You know, I've hosted the show ... how many times, Lorne?"
LM - 175 times.
(THEY walk away, the scene cuts back to the press conference)
FEY AS GOV. PALIN - "To answer your question - y'know I don't worry about the polls. Polls are just a fancy way of systematically predicting what's gonna happen. The only pole I care about is the North Pole and that is melting...it's not great.
(BALDWIN walks on stage and whispers in FEY's ear)
FEY AS SELF
"What? The real one? Byeee!"
(FEY walks off stage, passing PALIN as she exits)
GOV. PALIN - "Thank you. Now I'm not gonna take any of your questions but I do want to take this opportunity to say Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!!!"
Comments
Why didn't you post the ENTIRE transcript of Baldwin?
Posted by: Stephanie | October 19, 2008 12:03 AM
She's not foolin anyone! We don't want anymore hillbillys in office!
Posted by: Dan K | October 19, 2008 12:08 AM
That show has stunk so bad for so long. SNL is as irrelevant as Rolling Stone magazine.
Palin is a class act. I wouldn't have given NBC the privilege, but she has shown she can take it.
God bless her. She's got my vote.
Posted by: Rey Flores | October 19, 2008 12:14 AM
Why didnt they post all of Baldwin's transcripts? Because they are irrelevant just like everything else this show says. SNL has to be the worse show on Earth. Let's just make fun of people who do not share the same views as us because it is funny...Actually SNL it is NOT funny. If it were a Repub show doing it there would be an uproar. Gotta love Liberal Media....NOT
Posted by: Amber | October 19, 2008 12:18 AM
Sarah Palin was given 10 words to learn, and she delivered them reasonably well. I mean, you can't give her anything challenging to do. We all know that.
As usual, Tina Fey was AWESOME!!! I kept wanting to see more of HER... Go Tina!
Posted by: Mia | October 19, 2008 12:23 AM
I gotta say, after all the hype Palin revealed about as much about her humorous side as she does about her ready-to-be-president side - not much. The big problem with Palin is she is incapable of poking fun at herself. Her inplacable exterior translates into one word: EGO - something that doesn't play on nighttime comedy!
Posted by: Julie Driscoll | October 19, 2008 12:28 AM
Sarah Palin’s appearance on SNL was a bust--no pun intended. She was dull and so was the show. Her presence ruined it. She is such an unpleasant person--so full of lies and vitriol and nonsense—it’s hard to forget that nastiness and nincompoopitudinousness whenever you see her. Heaven help us if that woman is elected—what a disaster. Fox News will no doubt declare her tv appearance a triumph and start predicting a McCain win again, right after they post a few more reports about ACORN and Obama’s ties to terrorists. It’s high time for the Republicans to disappear quietly from the scene. They have made enough disasters already--ruined our economy, run up a huge national debt, embarrassed us all internationally, lied to us all repeatedly. Please, we need some air we can breathe, not all this old stale smoke. Sarah, please go home.
Posted by: GD | October 19, 2008 12:31 AM
Stephanie, I was wondering the same thing. Why did Silva pick and choose what words to include? Did the actual script make Baldwin look bad and would it have caused people to feel bad for Palin?
Dan K, you said enough about yourself in your comment. You apparently think you about yourself often. How often do you look in the mirror every day? You obviously think you are better than other people. Must be an atheist. Your elite tone makes you sound like Obama. I can see why you would vote for him.
Have fun watchin McCain become the next Truman. It will be awesome when all of the papers print Obama wins on Nov. 4th by noon and go home only to learn on the 5th that McCain wins!!!
Posted by: Siouxperman | October 19, 2008 12:32 AM
honestly I don't think Sarah palin should be anywhere near the white house but I really cannot deny shes hot. And as for tuna fey..wow amazing you know I almost want mccain to win so we can see more immitations of palin done by tina. Well I did say almost but I don't want another bush.. Obama rocks!!
Posted by: tina lover | October 19, 2008 12:37 AM
She's so much prettier than Fey. And she's always up for whatever the Lefties have to offer.
Is Baldwin getting fatter, grayer and older every day? Sheesh!
Posted by: Jennifer Bailey | October 19, 2008 12:37 AM
would really love to see palin playing fey...
Posted by: Stop Smoking | October 19, 2008 12:39 AM
Dan K, could you explain what you mean by hillbilly? Is it the way somebody talks or is it where they are from? Hmmm--Clinton very well educated--from Arkansas--where I think the term hillbilly derives from. Bush (I think this is the hillbilly you are referring to)--also very well educated but he talks a lot like you--you know, dropping g's from words (i.e., "foolin"). Palin is actually quite classy; I wouldn't buy into the soundbites you hear and the phrases she uses to appeal to average Americans who do actually drop g's from the ends of words. Does that make you a hillbilly? If so, do us all a favor and don't ever run for office because we all know that if you can't properly pronounce "foolin," then you don't deserve to be elected.
Posted by: John | October 19, 2008 12:39 AM
Palin is really very pretty, very confident, and actually more attractive in every way than most people who come on or work on SNL. She's a star. I'm afraid Fey really isn't as pretty. Having Palin on there made this very, very clear, esp. at that point where they changed places.
Posted by: Jennifer Bailey | October 19, 2008 12:40 AM
Sarah Palin is Awesome, she is the best thing that has happened to America since we killed Saddam Hessian .
Posted by: Carolynn Blair | October 19, 2008 12:42 AM
Sarah is a class act. If more Americans had the type of integrity she has demostrated this country would be in much better shape.
Posted by: Julie | October 19, 2008 12:44 AM
Sarah Palin on SNL. Why not on Meet the Press or Face the Nation? Every President and Vice Presidential candidate has appeared on these shows for generations. Why not Sarah? We all know though. She would make a complete fool of herself within minutes without John McCain there holding her hand. She is not capable. Truly a special needs babe.
Posted by: Keith Roberts | October 19, 2008 12:50 AM
Palin was awesome! For once Baldwin was right...Palin is way hotter than Tina Fey. Plus she had a powerful confidence that dwarfed the SNL cast. Hope she wins.
Posted by: New Yorker | October 19, 2008 12:51 AM
Sarah Palin had barely any lines. Booooooorrrriiiinnngggg! Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were great as usual.
Republicans have got to get over the "liberal media" B.S. All media (except FOX) is liberal. Give me a break!
Posted by: James | October 19, 2008 12:58 AM
"SNL has to be the 'worse' show on Earth"? Worse than what, Amber? "Gotta love Liberal Media....NOT"? Are you kidding?
The show was great and Sarah Palin was a good sport, unlike her supporters.
Posted by: Brooke | October 19, 2008 1:00 AM
SNL (S&M) has been going down hill for years. Its about as funny as chunky diarrhea. Palin looked like she had wished SNL was at her favorite firing range.
Posted by: Campbell | October 19, 2008 1:12 AM
She was hilarious and showed that she can take it, McCain has got my vote.
Vote McCain/Palin 2008!!!
Posted by: Stephanie | October 19, 2008 1:15 AM
There's actually no mistaking the two. Palin makes Fey look like a plain Jane.
Posted by: leslie alexander | October 19, 2008 1:17 AM
@Ray Flores: In exactly what respect is Palin a class act? Are you referring to her comment on enjoying the ambiance she feels in the "Pro-America" part of the country?
Preparedness or no, she shows intellectual prowess that would barely merit a passing grade in most high school civics courses. I suppose you could argue that she accepts the massive ridicule levied against her with some semblance of grace--but this is hardly a qualification for office, let alone the one she seeks.
If you're casting your vote based on a perceived sense of Palin's "class," you ask next to nothing of those who represent you.
Posted by: Richard Paladin | October 19, 2008 1:51 AM
I remember Coney Island in the 30s, along side of Nathans there was a out door side show with silly looking dopey girls, Tina reminds me of those days.
Posted by: tony sacco | October 19, 2008 1:54 AM
This was my first time to watch SNL. I just wanted to see Sarah Palin. She did well. She has so much class. I won't watch anymore. The show has no class. Sarah has too much class to even be on the show. She just did it to show them she can take what they dish out.
Posted by: Joy Hall | October 19, 2008 1:57 AM
So Palin stood on stage while she was mocked as usual. This was a really stupid decision on her behalf - mccain should have nixed it. She came across as desperate to show she was "cool" and as usual the mocking was apropos.
Posted by: G Man | October 19, 2008 2:47 AM
Interesting the only press conference she'll attend is fake ... and even then she won't answer any questions ...
Posted by: Katie | October 19, 2008 3:37 AM
"God bless her. She's got my vote."
So some woman who, less than tree months ago, admits having no idea what the Vice President of America actually does has your vote? You sound pretty dang smart yourself!
"As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?" --Sarah Palin, interview with CNBC's "Kudlow & Co", July 2008
Posted by: Sarah Palin | October 19, 2008 3:43 AM
I thought both SNL skits with Sarah Palin in them were funny.They should have had the camera on her more during the Sarah Palin Rap part, maybe just had them all in the same shot. Her dancing and facial expressions were fun and funny to watch. She probably could have handled a few more lines too which would have added to the humor of it all.
I’m not a huge fan of Sarah Palin for VP because she’s way out of her depth but she was a good sport tonight.
Posted by: Debbie | October 19, 2008 3:52 AM
Micheal Medved, a Jewish talk radio host stated "tolerance in America is because of Christianity, not in spite of it" Lefty hypocrites made up of mystics, socialists, humanists, feminists, wiccans, gays, etc. are the true intolerants. Palin showed her tolerance by going on SNL--she's not the evil theocratic puritan that lefty loonies lie constantly about. The first skit w/Baldwin was funny even though Tina Fey was really going off on McCain & clearly showed disdain for Palin when walking by. Hhumm...nothing bad about Obama or Biden (even though some can mimic them great) even with Palin there--completely UNFAIR. MadTV even has a little skit that was anti-Obama at the beginning without Palin. 2nd skit was n@sty by making fun of Palin's Alaska roots with rap crap music when a great skit using a bald Joe the Plumber was expected by many, even the liberal press. She still took it in stride. At the end, you could see she was uncomfortable from the hateful 'gotcha' vibes beaming off of most of the SNL staff and audience, (almost as bad as Katie Curic and Charlie Gibson explaining some of her freezing moments). I'm not watching SNL much anymore...neither should you
Posted by: JJGH | October 19, 2008 4:31 AM
From your posts what some of you fail to realize is that Palin WANTED to do the show. She was not dragged there by the liberal drive by media.
Posted by: lochnessmonster | October 19, 2008 6:45 AM
Kudos to Sarah Palin. Once again she has proven herself to be a real sport! This is a smart woman who had my vote before and definitely has it now!! We need a woman like this in the white house.
She is strong, very self-assured, and not "bothered" by any of those left-wing socialists on SNL. She was definitely in the wrong league on SNL with those liberal, obscene idiots who call themselves actors!
Pray she is our next VP! We need a
"strong" leader in office!!
SNL I haven't watched you in years and after last night I won't be watching again!!!!
Posted by: Peggy Puccio | October 19, 2008 9:52 AM
Sarah Palin is AWESOME; she did a wonderful job last night!!! It says something on how gutsy she is to go on that show. And yes, she blows Fey out of the water, big time---it was great to see the two of them together. Go McCain/Palin, they will make a stunning team in Washington!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Dana---MN | October 19, 2008 10:03 AM
Tina Fey, like most liberal women, can only hope to be as attractive, intelligent, and as pleasant as Sarah Palin. Liberal women can only fake it.
Posted by: Sigmond | October 19, 2008 10:49 AM
Obama's supporters on SNL last night have caused me to switch my vote...the whole 'gotcha trap' that SNL put together in an attempt to make VP-elect Palin look bad backfired, but their intentions came through clearly...Republicans...you've got this former Democrat's vote!
Posted by: Brian | October 19, 2008 10:53 AM
Besides the fact that ALL tv,news, and journalism along with hollywood,acorn, and Nancy Pelosi have completely gone beyond party lines and run our country into the ground while pointing fingers at everyone else and forget freedom of speech..don't you dare raise any questions contrary to what the party line believes...let's just raise the Russian flag in front yards as we all become socialists....Oh and by the way...Barack is not a black man you idiot fools he's an Arabic Muslim and he's spinnin' the black community like a bad record! Go McCain/Palin! keep us American!!!!! and Yes I believe in handguns!
Posted by: sherri | October 19, 2008 10:54 AM
Wasn't this the Baldwin that wanted to leave the country when the last President was elected??? Why hasn't this sterling motormouth shown the intellectual integrity to ACTUALLY DO what he said he would do.
More from the left"DO AS I SAY NOT AS I DO"
Posted by: george from outer space | October 19, 2008 11:15 AM
I thought Baldwin's line was crass. John McCain did not pick Sarah Palin to be his running mate so that everyone could admire her for her appearance. He picked her because, in his judgment, she was the best qualified person available to be a heartbeat away from the presidency of the most powerful nation on the planet.
...
Snicker....
Mmmpphhh....
Ha... Ha... Ha...
I'm sorry. I tried. I really tried.
Posted by: Jorge from Bloomington | October 19, 2008 1:04 PM
you didnt accept my comments bec. "too many" recent." this is 1st time I ever gave comment. I wont try again nor read your site.......
Posted by: joan | October 19, 2008 1:10 PM
How many abortions has Tina Fey had? Is there any opposition research on that? Oh, yeah, it is a private matter between her and the children she aborted dead. That is the true difference in her impressions: Sarah Palin is a true mother; Tina Fey is a Pro-Choice joking counterfeit leading the ship of fools that is SNL.
Posted by: Dr. Nathanson | October 19, 2008 1:13 PM
The new Sarah Palin For President in 2012 website is now online, with related news, headlines & links at http://www.palin4pres2012.com/
Posted by: Ron | October 19, 2008 3:50 PM
OBAMA HAS NOT SHAME.
MUST READ ARTICLE:
"Barack Buys a House With Tony Rezko"
This news article is located at:
http://news.aol.com/political-machine/2008/10/18/barack-buys-a-house-with-tony-rezko-...
OBMA IS A CROOK:
--ACORN illegal get the vote out for Obama,
--BILL AYERS terrorist friends,
--REV. WRIGHT Anti-America shouting "HATE AMERICA" "HATE WHITES", etc. mentor and pastor for 20 years until Rev. Wright became a problem for Obama in the election,
--SPREAD THE WEALTH give to those with less .."SOCIALISM" in the finest,
--NEGATIVE MICHELLE OBAMA -- with her America,
--TONY REZKO the guy next door,
OBAMA HAS NO SHAME AND WILL DO ANYTHING AND SAY ANYTHING TO GET A VOTE.
AMERICAN VOTERS --
DO NOT LET OBAMA "TWIST IT ON AMERICA!"
~~~~~~~~~
TIME for John McCain and Sarah Palin to "REFORM WASHINGTON GOVERNMENT!"
ACORN workers need to be carried to court and placed in PRISON!
ACORN JUST A WELL -- DONE THE SAME TO HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON -- THE GET OUT TO VOTE EFFORT WAS DONE AGAINST HILLARY CLINTON AS WELL.
ACORN RECIEVED LOTS DONATION FROM OBAMA TO GET THE VOTE OUT FOR HIM.
SHAME ON BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA...OBAMA HAS NO SHAME!!!
GO---JOHN MCCAIN!!!
GO---SARAH PALIN!!!
Posted by: Blondshag | October 19, 2008 4:36 PM
One thing here: For all of you bashing SNL as part of an "elite media conspiracy," do your homework! The head political sketch writer for SNL, is Jim Downey, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Downey_(comedian)
who in fact is a Republican and who wrote some hilarious sketches lampooning Bill Clinton and Al Gore back in the day, as well as GW Bush. He also wrote some sketches that were very critical of Obama back during primary season. Get your facts straight, people!
Posted by: Rich | October 19, 2008 5:05 PM
Sarah! What about the minister who prayed over you to ward off witchcraft? Sarah! What about Todd's troubling membership in the AIP? (Hey, too bad about him not making it through for security clearance...)Sarah! What about you making speeches at AIP conventions two years running? Sarah! What about the conclusion that you are GUILTY of abuse of power? Sarah! What about your inciting hatred and racism with your rhetoric? Sarah! What about you leaving the mayoral post in Wasilla, and the city being $20 million more in debt than the day you took office?
Sarah! What about that income tax return that has been examined and shows you didn't declare all your income? Gotcha!
Posted by: Joetheplumber | October 19, 2008 7:18 PM
Which Vice-Presidential candidates 1. were state governors for just under 2 years when nominated, 2. were considered political reformers and took on corrupt politicians within their own parties, 3. were avid hunters and anglers, 4. had shot shot moose and caribou, 5. were under 45 years old when nominated, and 6. had 5 children.
ANSWERE: Sarah Palin and Theodore Roosevelt
Keep in mind that Biden is nothing but a policy wonk. Palin has demonstrated that she is a leader; approximately 70% of Alaskans approve of her leadership in office. Policy wonks seldom - if ever - become leaders; leaders can hire policy wonks.
Posted by: Perch Rapala | October 19, 2008 9:02 PM
I cannot BELIEVE the asinine comments on here! Palin outdoes Fey? AT WHAT? PLAYING HERSELF??? Your expections are really low if that is the best you expect of her.
Is anyone else here skeeved out by the "she's hot" "she's hotter than Fey" proclamations on here? She isn;t running for beauty queen anymore...and even in that she came up 2nd best.
SHEESH PEOPLE!
Posted by: Liz | October 20, 2008 2:39 PM
Give me a break, Top ratings in 14 years. Maybe the silent majority tuned in while the Loud Lefty group boycotted the show out of principle. After it has top ratings the socialist democrats complain about how few lines she was given by the socialist democratic people running the show. SNL didn't want to be seen as not letting her on the show, and at the same time didn't want to make her look good.So just don't give her any lines.
Very petty, but brilliant on the political side of SNL.
PS. New Study shows that people watching Colbert and Daily actually more informed then most people watching other "news" shows. Gives you an idea of how much the media(left and right) limits their scope and spins the angle.
Posted by: Brian | October 21, 2008 2:32 PM